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Saturday, August 28, 2004

a state of confusion yet again 

a good friend is in a state of confusion yet again.

she is not exactly a woman you could consider "ideal".

yes, she has the looks... she has the brains... she's struggling with morality, and with the teachings in the religion that she grew up in...

and there in lies the conflict.

she says she was not brought up well by her mother... not well meaning, she has come to be... "academically ready for the world, socially not," as she would put it. and that's how her mother had raised her... "study well." at the age of ten, she wanted to be a "scientist." she dreamt of making a big discovery or proving a theory such as those by the great scientists that we learn about in elementary and high school. later on in her life, she read about philosophers; philosophy was the father of science, anyway.

often during her youth, because of her model-ish height, her mother's friends ask her, "aren't you going into modeling?" or, "do you play volleyball?" her mother proudly declares, "my daughter is into computers & music." when deciding on which course to take for college, she consults her mother. "mother, which should i take, a b.s. in computer science, or a.b. music?" her mother rejects her and says, "you can't make computers nor music as your career. they're financial dead-ends," as if implying financial abundance meant happiness and contentment. "your dad was an engineer. i really admire engineers. to tell you a secret, two of my ex-boyfriends were engineers. choose an engineering field."

and so engineering she took. and while studying engineering, she spent time with computers and music outside of school. a time that, now at 27 she thought, should have been spent investing in friends and relationships with humans, and not just machines like computers, guitars, and keyboards/synthesizers. not that she had not made any good friends....

now, she is 27, the age at which many rock stars and celebrities passed away, mostly usually self-inflicted, either because of drug abuse, or of suicide.

two years before, she joined a social group within her religion where she has rediscovered a lot about herself. a lot about God. she rediscovered a lot. and discovered quite a whole plethora of new-and-interesting-to-her things related to her religion, to God, to spirituality, to the universe, to science. she restarted reading books, fiction and non-fiction dwelling on various topics from business, to self-help/inspirational, to how-to books. at some point, she had thought of becoming a nun, or to be involved full-time with charity, or with religious teachings (either as a "preacher" herself, or as an assistant to one.) also, as she had dreamt of since her youth, she wanted to write a book that would change the world. alas, in recent years, she has discovered that no one book could change the world. if one thing her mom told her was true, it was that, "you can't change others, only yourself."

now, she is a licensed engineer, struggling with her spirituality. she has gone through one traumatic relationship, and three other failed ones. presently, she had met a man who, to her, would be an "ideal" husband. not that anyone was perfect. but, to her the perfect human is imperfect, or he is no human at all.

just weeks before, her sister told her, in a heated argument, "no one will ever like you!" she got hurt that time. the truth hurts. at that time, she didn't argue back. she told herself, "i will do something about it."

and now the state of confusion is at hand. "what am i here on earth for?" she had not fully accepted rick warren's suggestions in the book, "a purpose-driven life," she read only until chapter 11 of that book.

she has that desire to be a good wife, and a good mother, to a future family. and she has that desire to raise that good family, with a good husband, the man in her life at the present fitting that description quite well. she has that desire to see all that in her future family which she has not seen in her family where she is the eldest daughter of two.

she asks herself as if as another person, "is she good enough?" her quick answer is no. she has much to work on, she thinks. and though many have been attracted to her, for she possesses also some bit of wit and charm, unfortunately, these men did not quite "fit the bill." perhaps she should change herself, her attitude.

on the other hand, there is something that is still inside her, perhaps something that has been imbibed in her since her childhood, that is telling her, "go change the world. you will make a discovery. you will make a difference. write that book."

and she is confused. she is not one to be considered normal; and thus although she has these human desires which seem, at the moment, not practical, she does not know where the other road leads to. discover what?

poor friend of mine. right now, the only help i could give her is, to give her sugar when she runs out of it at home.

- - - - - - - - - - -

there are new posts at the prustrations blog. ideas i have kept since i don't know when. some are comparatively newer. i will develop and expound on them in the years to come. i have decided to publish them here on the RONJBLOG.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Paulo Coehlo 

I admire Paulo Coehlo. He has done things that some of us can only dream of. Nonetheless, I still am dreaming about writing a novel or two. Or three.

Anyhow, if there is one thing common between Paulo Coehlo and me is, if I'm not mistaken, that our parents wanted us to become engineers. I am now an engineer, and Paulo Coehlo is now an international bestselling author. Ah, but I'm still in my mid-20s. ;-)

Mr. Coehlo went through some really unimaginable times in his youth, became a rock superstar back in Brazil and... I have read four of his novels. I think I'll be reading all the rest.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Who is iSIDrow? 

iSIDrow is a character I conceived back in 1997. iSIDrow is this simple, old man, who, lately, has become a fisherman, and is well read and has enough scars, physical and otherwise, to make him the man full of wisdom that he is. People come up to visit iSIDrow at his home near the beautiful beach of one of the small islands of the Philippines, to ask him for advice, and often they leave him with the answers they needed. iSIDrow’s real name is actually Isidro, but even the younger generations recognize and admire him, and that is how they refer to him. One young man at the age of 22 wrote about him in a popular newspaper, and it was he who started to add the “w” to “Isidro.” He spelled his name “iSIDrow”, for a few reasons: it looked cooler, sounded like “Skid Row,” a rock band, and well, some folks who went up to him simply called him “SID”.

iSIDrow is actually a character that I see as my ideal self when I have reached that old age. I wish to be able to help people, answer their questions about love and life, and yet have that very simple life, probably fishing when I’m not doing anything. Probably dark skinned already because of regular exposure to the sun. In a sense, while iSIDrow is living what he teaches, he teaches how one should live based on how he has lived.

Back in 1997, I started to create iSIDrow, to write his life, to introduce him to the world. I made a web site that was supposed to be the iSIDrow website, the content of which, I envision putting in novel. I stopped somewhere after the “first chapter”, and have lost the contents of the site since. I should start again with “iSIDrow,” the man, the story, the website, the novel, and continue with what I have started.

iSIDrow might just become… the next RONJBLOG. Stay tuned. ;-)

Bo Sanchez 

Bo is a living example of a man who has a lot of time to serve God first, and still have time to earn a lot of money. He earns more than enough money to feed his family, and more than enough love for other people to give some of that extra money to the needy. That is how his latest book, “Simplify and Create Abundance,” impressed upon me. It is a must-have book. Go get a copy for yourself and your loved ones!

ronjnote: i'll be most likely reviewing Bo's "Simplify..." book and a few others (recently read and not so recently) at the coach potato's corner.

How are you, Ronjie? 

I feel like a bird that found itself lost in the middle of the ocean and had to travel for miles on end to reach shore. I am feeling drained, very tired, and not thinking of anything else but getting a lot of rest; feeling shocked, saying to myself, “I went through that?”; and to some extent, feeling relieved that it’s all over, hoping that there would be no important, lengthy trips I have to make soon.

The damage has been done. Recuperation is necessarily next.

For more than 12 months in a row now, I had nothing but work, school, and (some) social life (not to mention a little “romantic” life with a sad ending). Right now, I feel so tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally, my spiritual side has also suffered, and yet it is now I need it most. More than 12 months ago, I did a lot of “fun” things. A lot of sports and workouts, night-outs (“gimmicks”), and all that. I was able to watch movies at theaters more often than, well, now. For the past 12 months, I could still count with my two hands how many movies I saw at a theater. And now, after that 12 months or so, I’ve come to play more “mindless” games: Snake and Opposite (Reversi) on my 3-year old Nokia phone, and Minesweeper on my computer. Now, I sleep early and wake up early. Now, I do not know what is the latest in music and in fashion. I’m now an oldie!

Ah, how the mind, heart, body, & soul are so interconnected. One falls, the others follow. No wonder. That is probably why God created women, to provide that redundancy that men need. Unfortunately, one reason I am in this situation is precisely that, that I thought there was this one person who would provide the heart when I lost heart, the mind when I lose my mind, the strength when my body is weak, and the spirit to help lift my spirit when it is down. I was wrong.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

I don't really have any idea what I should be doing right now. It's 10:24 PM. There's this girl I want but... Am I just not the stupidest guy on earth... She has a boyfriend!!! Come on, RONJIE! Wake up!

What else could I do? I already know what I should do but... Man, it's one of those things that you know but you just don't, you know what I mean? This is just so hard.

Like before, I have known about all these things about God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, but I never really thought about them, grasped that knowledge to... Like I said in a group sharing session I had with then-strangers-now-friends, it's not enough that you know. If you know how to lead a nation but don't stand up and out and get noticed about it, you're just as worthless as that other person who's pretending to know...

So I am undergoing that dilemma again. What should I do now? Can anyone tell me? I'm sure there are those who can tell me. But can anyone show me what and how? Can anyone make me?

When it came to my faith, someone did it for me. Someone—perhaps God himself—reminded me. Someone showed me the way. Someone helped me do it. It looks like I need that someone again.

Maybe not the same person. But if we go by my Christian logic, that God is the reason of all, someone, a different person perhaps, will come up to me, and he or she will have been sent by God. Thank God for that person... or thing. Or persons, or things, or events. Whoever or whatever they are, or whenever they will come... I'm ready!!!

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